Love can be incredibly confusing. Sometimes, it hits you like a wave you never saw coming. You meet someone, and suddenly they’re all you think about. Your heart races when you see their name pop up on your phone. You catch yourself smiling at random moments just because you thought about them. You start imagining the two of you in the future maybe even before you know their middle name.

But here’s the tricky part: how do you know if this is genuine love or just a temporary high? Is it the beginning of a lifelong story, or is it just a chapter that will end sooner than you expect?

I have seen people get swept away in the thrill of new affection, only to find themselves lost when the excitement fades. I’ve also seen love that starts quietly and grows stronger with time, surprising even the people in it. The truth is, not every intense emotion is love. Sometimes, it’s infatuation. Sometimes, it’s boredom in disguise. And sometimes, it’s simply your brain enjoying the rush of attraction.

So, let’s break this down together. Think of me as your friend who’s been through the highs and lows, made the mistakes, learned the lessons, and is now here to walk you through how to figure out what you’re really feeling.

1. The Difference Between Butterflies and the Real Deal

Butterflies are exciting. That flutter in your stomach when you see them across the room, the way your palms get a little sweaty it’s thrilling. But butterflies aren’t the foundation of love. They’re the fireworks at the beginning of the show.

With infatuation, your attention is on how they make you feel in the moment. You’re intoxicated by the thrill. Every text feels like a win. Every conversation feels magical. But if you’re honest with yourself, you might realise you don’t know them that well. You might be in love with the idea of them, rather than the real person.

Genuine love, on the other hand, feels steadier. It’s not just about excitement; it’s also about peace. You don’t constantly wonder where you stand because they make it clear. You’re not relying on constant highs to feel connected. The bond is rooted in trust, not adrenaline.

Here’s a little test imagine you’re having one of your worst days. You are tired, irritable, and not in the mood to impress anyone. Would you still want them around? Would they still treat you with care, even when there’s no romance in the air? If the answer is yes, you’re leaning closer to love than to a passing crush.

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2. Emotional Consistency, Why True Love Doesn’t Feel Like a Rollercoaster

Infatuation often feels like an emotional rollercoaster. One day, you are on cloud nine because they sent a sweet text. The next day, you’re anxious because they didn’t reply fast enough. Your mood rises and falls based entirely on their attention. It’s exciting at first, but exhausting in the long run.

Real love feels different. It’s more like a calm, scenic drive. Sure, there are bumps and turns, but nothing that throws you completely off balance. You feel safe because you know where you stand. You don’t have to fight for their attention or constantly prove your worth.

Ask yourself: do you feel grounded in the relationship, even on bad days? Can you trust that they’ll still be there tomorrow, even if you have an argument today? Consistency is one of love’s strongest signals. When someone loves you genuinely, they’re there through moods, misunderstandings, and ordinary days not just when it’s convenient or exciting.

One of the most freeing feelings is knowing you can be 100% yourself without worrying they’ll walk away. If you have that kind of stability, you’re not just passing time you are building something real.

3. The Role of Time, Can Your Feelings Survive the Honeymoon Fade?

Time is the ultimate truth-teller in relationships. In the beginning, everything feels magical. You’re discovering each other, laughing at every joke, and thinking you could spend every moment together. But eventually, the newness wears off.

In a passing phase, the excitement fades, and so does your interest. The quirks that were once “cute” might start to irritate you. Conversations feel repetitive. The physical attraction loses its intensity without the novelty to fuel it.

In genuine love, the feelings don’t vanish when the spark softens. They deepen. You start appreciating them as a whole person flaws and all. You don’t just enjoy the fun moments; you stick around during the hard ones. You don’t stay because it’s easy. You stay because they matter to you.

Here’s something you can try: take a little step back. Spend some time apart. See if you still feel the same pull toward them when they’re not right in front of you. If your connection stays strong despite space and time, it’s a good sign your feelings aren’t just a temporary rush.

4. How Deep Is Your Connection, Beyond Surface Attraction

Attraction matters, It’s part of what draws us to someone. But if attraction is the only glue holding you together, it won’t last.

In a passing phase, once the physical spark fades, there’s often not much left. You might realise that you don’t share the same values, interests, or life goals. You might not know how to comfort each other in difficult times because your bond is purely physical.

Real love thrives on emotional intimacy. It’s being able to share your fears, your weird little quirks, your wildest dreams without feeling judged. It’s laughing together over silly things. It’s being comfortable in silence, not needing constant entertainment to feel connected.

Ask yourself: do they know you not just your favourite outfit or your social media highlights, but the raw, unfiltered version? Do you know them in the same way? If your connection is built on more than attraction, you might be looking at the real thing.

5. The Life Test Can You See a Shared Future Without Forcing It?

When your feelings are genuine, you can picture them in your future and it doesn’t scare you. You imagine them in your daily routines, at family gatherings, or celebrating milestones with you. The thought feels natural, not pressured.

If it’s a passing phase, the idea of a future together might feel awkward or forced. You might avoid the topic or keep them separate from important parts of your life because, deep down, you are not sure they belong there.

True love doesn’t mean you’ve planned every detail of your life together. It just means you can see them as part of it whether that’s five months or five years down the road. And not just in the good times. You can picture handling challenges together and still wanting to be a team.

If you can imagine them beside you in the long run and it brings a sense of peace instead of panic, your feelings are probably real.

6. How They Affect Your Growth, Love vs. Obsession

Love should make you better, not smaller. In a healthy, loving relationship, you feel encouraged to pursue your goals and grow as a person. You have the space to be independent and still deeply connected.

In a passing phase, especially when obsession takes over, you might feel like your whole world revolves around them. You might let go of friendships, hobbies, or opportunities just to keep them close. That’s not love that’s dependency.

Ask yourself: do they celebrate your wins, even if it means you’re busy and less available? Do they respect your personal space? Do they inspire you to become better, or do they hold you back?

True love is a partnership. It’s not about control or possession. It’s about lifting each other up and supporting each other’s growth. If being with them helps you become a more confident, fulfilled version of yourself, it’s likely the real deal.

7. Listening to Your Gut, When Your Heart Already Knows

Sometimes, deep down, you already know the answer. Your instincts are powerful. If you constantly feel uneasy or unsure, something’s off. If you feel safe, valued, and understood, that’s worth listening to.

In a passing phase, you might ignore red flags because the excitement is too tempting. You might overlook signs that the connection isn’t healthy because you want the high to last.

In genuine love, your gut feels calm. You’re not happy every single moment no relationship is perfect but you feel secure even in the imperfect moments. You trust them. You are not constantly bracing yourself for disappointment.

Take a moment to be still and honest with yourself. Often, your heart already knows if what you’re feeling is love or just a temporary thrill.

Conclusion

Love is beautiful, but it’s not always what it seems at first. The rush of excitement is fun, but it doesn’t always last. What matters is what’s left after the initial spark fades.

Genuine love is consistent. It grows over time. It’s built on more than attraction. It survives bad days. It inspires growth. And it feels safe.

If you’ve realised you’re in a passing phase, that’s okay it’s part of learning what you want. But if you’ve spotted the signs of real love, hold onto it and keep building it.

So here’s my challenge to you: take a quiet moment today and ask yourself the hard questions. And then be brave enough to listen to the answer your heart is already whispering.

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